How our bodies take the brunt of our stress and what we can learn from our aches and pains…

How many times have you ever answered the phone or turned on the news and became confronted with yet another story of hardship? Maybe it is a friend suffering from a family, health, or financial crisis, or maybe it is an instance of violence, crime, or needless societal tragedy. Problems with our children, cancer, death in the family, home foreclosure, combat trauma, marital distress, bodily injury, work stress—let’s face it, no one is immune from hardship. Unfortunately, stress and problems are a normal part of life for all of us.

The good news, as the adage goes, is that time does heal all wounds. No circumstance, stressor, or emotion is permanent. But, do you ever wonder how people (or maybe even yourself!) get through tough times? Luckily for us, the human body has amazing ways of protecting itself. Our body is naturally set up to help us survive the numerous stressors or tragedies that we all have to face at some point (or many points!) in our lives.
But here’s the deal: often times, we “deal” with stress, by actually not dealing with it at all. Have you ever noticed that during particularly tough times in your life, you find yourself catching a cold, getting a migraine, or having extreme fatigue? Maybe you have chronic unexplained pains, headaches, or stomach aches/diarrhea. Do you ever find that your body seems to fail you when you most need the strength?!?! For many people, we often think that we are “dealing” with our problems, but really we are just stuffing them away and letting our bodies take the toll.

So, what a depressing blog, right? I am sure you didn’t read this to be reminded that we all have problems, and that these problems are potentially wreaking havoc on your body. Here’s what am I really getting at… At the end of the day, we ALL have stress, and it is important—for our physical health, emotional health, and quality of life—that you know how to deal with your stress to truly manage it, not just tuck it away and wait for new problems to arise. And for so many of us, this is what we do, and our bodies are paying for it. So, what's the solution?
Often times, we turn to unhealthy coping skills to help manage our stress, because, let’s face it, it often feels faster, easier, and less painful in the moment. Earlier we discussed what I like to call “stuffing”—pushing our painful feelings or problems out of our awareness so that we don’t have to deal with them. This not only leads to bodily distress and physical symptoms, but it can also make our problems much worse since we are not actually acknowledging or dealing with them. Along with this, we often use unhealthy habits to help us keep the avoidance going, including using alcohol or drugs, sleeping too much, gambling/spending money, or over-eating, among other things. Unfortunately, eventually the problems will resurface, along with the emotions that it is creating, and we do have to face it.
 So, if you want to help heal from your stress and painful emotions, AND protect your body from carrying the brunt of the stress (which so many of us do!), we need to know how to tackle our stress.
 
Step 1: Face the problem. We can’t fix something that we don’t acknowledge. Just because we ignore it, does not mean that it will go away.
I often see this in my practice with folks who are avoiding a difficult or painful decision. Let’s say you are faced with a conflict in your relationship that really needs to be addressed, or you are in an unhealthy relationship. Maybe the thought of working through the problem sounds exhausting (who has the time?!?), or the idea of ending the relationship is unbearable. Instead of problem-solving a new, healthier plan, it is often easier to just avoid it. However, the next thing you know, you have no appetite, you are crying for no reason, and that headache just will not go away! You hear yourself telling your friends (again) that you just don’t feel good, instead of speaking the truth: something needs attention in your life.

So, step 1, address the problem. And, more importantly, believe in yourself!! You are stronger than you think! Although it may be harder in the short term to face the problem, it is the first (and completely necessary) first step to move toward a happier, healthier, and more peaceful life.
 
Step 2: Self-care. Go back to the basics. Like I said earlier, your body is naturally equipped to deal with problems, but you have to take care of it. Eat well, get out of your pajamas, take a walk, get a good night’s sleep, avoid alcohol and substances, and turn off the TV and do something you enjoy. Try it, this will go much further than you think!

Step 3: Healthy Coping Skills. Please go back and read my April 2011 blog, The Formula for Success, which goes though ways to develop your own personal coping plan: http://sarahraypsyd.com/the-formula-for-success/

Step 4: Time = Healing. Practice makes perfect. Keep moving towards acknowledging your problems and using healthy coping skills to deal with them. No one is perfect, and you will have slip-ups. Habits are hard to change, but with time and practice, it is completely realistic and doable to form healthier patterns. Try your best everyday. Problems make come on quickly, but that doesn’t mean that they will go away as fast. It is hard enough to deal with stress and emotional pain in the first place, but our troubles will only get worse if we are hurting our bodies and creating physical problems in the process.

I wish you the best of luck and hope we can get your problems out of your body and help move you toward a healthier and happier life. Please feel free to email or call with any questions…
 

 All the best to you and your family…
 Dr. Sarah Ray  

​Let’s face it, humans are complex.

Each of us is a complicated and unique combination of hormones, chemicals, emotions, thoughts, physical changes, and stressors…not to mention our personal upbringing, past relationships, and distinct life experiences. Often times, these complexities make it particularly difficult to truly enjoy our life. We may feel that every time we turn around, we have something new to contend with: Mood changes, family stress, work issues, medical issues, hormonal shifts, or unexpected stressors. We may look at other people and think that they have it easier. It is natural to assume that others lead a better, a happier, or a less complicated life. But, the reality is, we ALL have to deal with these constant and sometimes unexpected shifts in our bodies and in our lives. The trick is, how do we maintain quality in our life when our bodies—and the situations around us—make it continually challenging?

When I work with clients, I like to help people learn how to maintain quality in their life as much as possible. The goal is not to stop having problems, stressors, or challenging emotions, but to learn how to deal with these normal occurrences more effectively. I strive to help my clients maximize the peace, happiness, and stability in their lives, while also helping them minimize or protect themselves from letting the normal shifts and struggles cause too much chaos in themselves or in their environment.

One of the most basic elements of having consistency and quality within our bodies and in our immediate environments is to have structure. In my opinion, each adult is responsible for knowing his or her own formula for success. What is it that you need to be as healthy and happy as possible? Here are some common areas that people need to tend to on a regular basis to feel the best that they can, and to be able to flow with the normal stressors of life:

• Exercise – We ALL need it. Period. It might be as simple as a 30 minute walk a few times per week, but it will make a difference in your body, mood, and overall stability.

•  Diet – Do you eat on a regular and consistent basis? Are you over-eating or under-eating? Are you consuming the things that your body needs to thrive on?

• Sleep – Are getting enough sleep? Or maybe too much? Are you going to bed and awaking around the same time each day?

• Alone Time – How much do you need? Do you take enough time for yourself? Do you isolate?

• Social Time – Connecting with others is a basic human need. We often tend to neglect this during times of stress, but even a quick lunch with a friend can be recharging.

• Spirituality/Personal Values and Beliefs – Are you following your personal core sense of right vs. wrong, the things that you believe in? Are you allowing time to nurture your spiritual beliefs?

• Personal Growth – Are you tending to the areas of yourself that need a little work? We all have them. Avoiding them will often make them even more powerful and problematic.

• Productivity – Are you engaging in work, volunteering, care taking, or something else that makes you feel useful? Humans thrive on a sense of accomplishment and production.

• Pleasurable Experiences – What brings you joy? Hobbies, art, movies, music. We all need to stay connected to the things that fulfill us.

• Medical Health – Are you consistently attending to your physical health? It is important that we have regular medication use, check-ups, and that we give the appropriate attention to your medical needs.

 
When we raise children, we often do so with some level of organization. We give children structure to help them thrive—rules, bedtimes, meals, snacks, family values, and opportunities for learning, socialization, and growth. Well, here is the beauty: Just like children need structure, so do adults. And, if we can implement consistent attention in our lives to the areas above, we can have a much greater feeling of order, stability, peace, and happiness both within ourselves and in the things and people that we invest in.


Do you know your formula?
 

All the best to you and yours,

Dr. Sarah Ray